By Donna Gibson
My wedding anniversary is quickly approaching, and I’m thinking about how my marriage of nearly 26 years to my husband Don is similar to the way he is dealing with his recent diagnosis with type 2 diabetes.
When you’re first married, the newness of dealing with another person taking up space in your life brings changes, challenges, and acceptance. Yet, as time goes on, sometimes you take advantage of those relationships and get careless in some ways. Let’s explore how marriage and a diabetes diagnosis are similar in some ways.
My husband and I were married on June 6, 1987. Nearly 26 years and two sons later, we have adapted to one another, and though we have our ups and downs in the relationship, we are committed to one another until death do us part, no matter what. Our vows were not taken lightly, as they are in so many marriages today. Each day, marriage is a struggle or a blessing in one way or another, with good days and bad days, depending on how we interact or communicate with each other. That is life!
The same is also true of receiving the diagnosis of type 2 diabetes, or any other disease for that matter. It is something that is with you day in and day out, and you have to deal with it, get along with it, manage it, and accept the goods and bads of that disease relationship, if you will. If you vow to follow the physician’s advice, much like a young couple that follows the advice of a pastor to be forgiving, giving, accepting, and eager to learn about one another, then life will be more enjoyable, less stressful, and well-managed.
I have found that as the wife, I have become very much involved with my husband’s diagnosis, and have asked questions about how he is feeling, if he made good food choices for the day, and more. I am aware of his down days or days when things just are not right. I’ve learned his behaviors, thoughts, attitudes, and his reactions to certain things.
For instance, this week I found Don’s blood test kit on the kitchen counter. He wasn’t being very active — instead, he was just sitting watching TV on a sunny nice day. “What’s wrong?” I asked. “I’m not feeling right,” Don said. I inquired about what he ate at work that day, and he didn’t give me an answer except to say, “Quit preaching to me!” By his tone, I knew he was aggravated about his actions and that I had caught him. He finally admitted that his blood glucose was 154! However, since he is tempted with so many things at work, I expected a high blood sugar reading could and would happen, eventually. I didn’t say, “I told you so.” I’m learning to hold the tongue so as not to aggravate things! That is another thing you learn in a marriage!
Two days later, once again, Don wasn’t feeling well. Later in the day, he realized he had forgotten to take his medication. Again, I held my tongue. “Just like when you don’t get your day started off right with an ‘I love you’ in a marriage, when you don’t take your diabetes meds when you are supposed too, you will have an unmanaged day,” I thought to myself.
Also, Mother’s Day week proved to be a green flag for Don to overeat and have desserts at events or when eating out. I noticed that he ate no fruit from the buffet and he ate about a half-cup of cabbage for his vegetables. The rest of his plate was meats and a lot of high-calorie, sweet desserts! However, there are consequences once again to adding fuel to the fire.
So, how much does he weigh now? He’s not talking. My marriage experience tells me that Don has gained when he doesn’t give me an answer. Portion control has to be part of controlling diabetes.
However, I can’t hold his hand at all times. He will have consequences for his actions, very similar to someone who may have had an affair in their marriage. It isn’t something that can be hidden, if you know the person and how they react to certain questions. I just knew with his reactions that he either ate fast food, ate unhealthy at the office, or bought cookies or chips to cause the high blood sugar test. Or he could be lacking in exercise, which has become something he has to work on.
Just like someone in a comfortable marriage, he was getting too comfortable with how things were going with the good readings on his diabetes tests, until he misbehaved. Just weeks ago, the doctor said he wouldn’t have to do blood pricks unless he felt he needed to do so. What has changed? Is he being careless? I believe so.
There are many factors that can affect blood glucose levels. Struggling for that control and a good blood glucose level does take work, just like a healthy marriage. Seeking professional help, taking their advice, and being knowledgeable on the issues can help with both diabetes control and marriage. It’s how much you do and how you stay in line that matters. With diabetes, when you ignore your exercise, weight, stress levels, dietary intake, and medication, these things become downfalls to your control.
Like maintaining a strong marriage, managing diabetes takes effort, acceptance, knowledge, and a whole lot of love!
